you could go ahead a say im pretty frustrated

well, actually im not sure if frustrated is the best word to use here,
maybe its more like confused, or upset, or unsure...

basically, i just feel like i dont know how to share the love of Christ.
i dont know how to talk to people about church.
i dont know how to give people a vision for something more, or how to get people excited about Jesus, or how to make people care.

i took this strengths finders test sometime last month.
we had to take it for YL training.

the truth is, i have a love/hate relationship with these things.
i mean lets be honest, they can be a bit cheesy, and a bit, well, broad, if you will.
but this one i just took said this about me:

Your introspection may lead you to a slight sense of discontent as you compare what you are actually doing with all the thoughts and ideas that your mind conceives.

i think this is the current struggle i find myself in.
it also says this:

you gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it. This feeling of Connectedness implies certain responsibilities

and at the end it says:
but your faith is strong. It sustains you and your close friends in the face of life’s mysteries.

its funny because in someways what this silly strength finder tells me is comforting to hear.

i think that is the continued thing the Lord is showing me.
His faithfulness.
over and over again, without fail.

there is an american couple visiting ostrava this week, kind of a preview trip as they decide if they want to move out here and work for YL next year.
anyway, i was sitting in a pub last night talking with the woman, just kind of going through some of the struggles i have had since i first moved here, how those have changed, and just really reviewing the last year and where i and our team has come. it was amazing for me to see the places that God has taken me, the ups and downs and ins and outs He has carried me through. His hand guiding, protecting and loving me through it all.

and most of all His faithfulness in all of it.

He took me out of my comfort zone, away from all those i love and who love me, and brought me into a community and a culture completely different from what i knew. He forced me to work with people who didnt think or do things the way i would, He made me live in a place where i cant properly communicate with those around me, and He did it all because He loves me.

and the best part is that He did it all with me.

most days i have no idea what im doing.
most days i feel ineffective, useless, confused, tired, lost...

but for His faithful companionship, i am forever thankful.