It seems my whole life ive had this idea that romance should be tragic.
I don’t know if that’s because ive never actually experienced REAL romance before, or because I feel like if something is good then it needs to be hard.

My favorite movie of all time is titanic.
People make a joke out of this, which I completely understand, but a friend once told me that you can learn a lot about a person and their philosophy on life just by knowing what their favorite movie is.

When I told this friend that mine is titanic, she immediately proceeded to tell me that im a romantic, but that I love the melancholy of life.
This is true.

Ive always just accepted this fact about myself, but lately ive been trying to discover what it IS that makes me like sad songs, hard movies, tragedy, struggle...

why do I find beauty in this?

Why do I LOVE to come home, put on slow sad music, and to sit in the presence of the melancholy and embrace it?

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I think its because I feel like its honest.
Maybe it’s a twisted view on this world, but it seems like the only time I feel like people are being honest is when they are talking about pain.

This hits somewhere deep at my problem of trust.

Its something I have come to struggle with in the past couple of years...
Trusting people.

I doubt when people tell me nice things, give me compliments, speak well of me...
I even doubt when people speak nicely about other people or about their own lives.

Im always trying to see what is going on at a deeper level... What the real problem is. WHERE the problem is.

I don’t know when I became such a skeptic.

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ive been challenged to choose instead to trust.
to enjoy.
to live life.
and to hope for something better.

im working on that.